Finding out I was pregnant with him was more than a shock, it was life changing and possibly life damaging, at the time. Why? Because my husband wasn't around (he was deployed), so how could I possibly be pregnant? I prayed that I was further along and just didn't know, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
When I finally knew how far along I was, I knew just when, and how, I got pregnant. However, my memory of that night doesn't exist. I'd gone out with a friend of ours, who was like family to us, for his "going away" thing. Because we were all like family, it wasn't strange for us to hang out like that.
That night I drank more than I should have. Though, having a night without kids, I felt like I deserved a night like that. So, my last memory was getting in this persons car to come home. The next morning, I woke up on my couch, feeling like I'd been trampled on by elephants. The worst hangover EVER doesn't begin to describe it. But no matter what or how I felt, I trusted this person with my life so I ignored my "gut" and went on about my business.
I did have an appointment a that Tuesday where I told the Dr about my blackout and that I was worried about what might have happened. She went ahead and gave me the morning after pill and did a full STD workup just to be safe. Nothing ever came back about that so I just assumed I was nuts for being scared and let my trust for this friend take back over.
Around April 6th, I found out I was pregnant. I only found out because I was impatiently waiting for my cycle so that I could start the BC that was supposed to see if the pain I was having was "woman" related. But when I saw that positive I was, well, I don't even know. It may be better to let those who saw me immediately after describe that. I know I was freaking out but I am not sure of the extent of it.
Anyway, I contacted the person trying to see what happened that night. Since I didn't remember it, any number of things could have happened. I could have ended up in someone else's car, someone could have followed us, or some random stranger could have broken in... all unlikely buy possible. I just wanted to know what the heck happened. I wanted to know what events were going to lead to my ruined life and marriage.
Anyway, the person never responded to me but I did hear back from the spouse and he denied having been responsible. So, okay... I have to move on, I guess, and deal with whats going on. I had to just face it and take responsibility for myself and what fault I had in this happening. And I sure did have a lot to handle. I considered abortion, but I ultimately decided that I can't go against (I don't believe in abortion) my beliefs just because I was in a crappy situation. Then I spent months looking at adoption. I had 3 possibly families and liked them all! However, after months of agonizing over that decision, I decided that I believed God intended him to be with me, so I was keeping him. Then it really began. All while trying to make sure my marriage made it through this. How could my husband love me after this? How?
At 32 weeks I had some bleeding. I went in to L&D and was checked out. It was determined that I had chronic placenta abruption. For those who don't know, its when the placenta prematurely begins to separate from the uterus and is very dangerous for baby and mother. I was in the hospital on strict bed rest for 4 days. When I was sent home, I was still supposed to be on bed rest, to the best of my ability. With 3 kids, that isn't easy, but I tried. I had to go in twice a week for non-stress tests and one of those days fluid was checked by ultra sound.
I went in just like any other Tuesday, only I had asked the week before about the plan for me. So, when I talked to the midwife that day, she said that the Dr felt like making it to 37 weeks was good enough and to just go ahead and get him out. Now, I expected induction but I thought like the following week. Nope, they scheduled it for that Thursday. Only 2 days notice.
I went in Thursday evening for the induction. However, the Dr on that night was ridiculous and didn't want to be bothered so she started the induction with such minimal medication that it ensured I would not have a baby that night. I was irritated. Though, thankfully I decided to use a Doula and try to go through the labor without an epidural, so I had my husband and Cori there to get me through the irritation!
Then on Friday morning, the midwife that knew the history of my pregnancy came in! I loved her! She was a bit irritated when she found out I had been there all night and the Dr did nothing, really. So, she tripled the pitocin and broke my water to make things get going! And boy did they! Before I knew it, my contractions were HORRIBLE!
But, it was so quick. My water was broke around 9am, he was born just after noon! And without an epidural. I wanted one at the end though. But I settled for just 1 dose of something else just to help get me through! After a few pushes, we welcomed Jonathen into our family and our hearts! And even though it was a pretty rough road, I can't imagine life without him!
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