Brotherly love

Having 4 kids is rough.  Having four boys is like running a violent circus.  Ok, maybe not THAT drastic but it is crazy town most days.  Now, add in the fact that everything about their lives are changing.  No home, no vehicle, no toys, limited clothes, no school and absolutely no structure for the last week.  Yes, we are in the wonderful limbo of our international move. 

Though, with everything we are dealing with, I expected pure chaos from them.  It is crazy but they are handling things pretty well, I think.  I got them to sit through taking pictures, that's a task on a normal day.  And our days have been far from normal lately.

I am excited to make new memories with my handsome guys!  More fun pictures to come during our trip!!!

Jonathen

Jonathen was definitely not supposed to happen, but I thank God for him!

Finding out I was pregnant with him was more than a shock, it was life changing and possibly life damaging, at the time.  Why?  Because my husband wasn't around (he was deployed), so how could I possibly be pregnant?  I prayed that I was further along and just didn't know, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

When I finally knew how far along I was, I knew just when, and how, I got pregnant.  However, my memory of that night doesn't exist.  I'd gone out with a friend of ours, who was like family to us, for his "going away" thing.  Because we were all like family, it wasn't strange for us to hang out like that.

That night I drank more than I should have.  Though, having a night without kids, I felt like I deserved a night like that.  So, my last memory was getting in this persons car to come home.  The next morning, I woke up on my couch, feeling like I'd been trampled on by elephants.  The worst hangover EVER doesn't begin to describe it.  But no matter what or how I felt, I trusted this person with my life so I ignored my "gut" and went on about my business.

I did have an appointment a that Tuesday where I told the Dr about my blackout and that I was worried about what might have happened.  She went ahead and gave me the morning after pill and did a full STD workup just to be safe.  Nothing ever came back about that so I just assumed I was nuts for being scared and let my trust for this friend take back over.

Around April 6th, I found out I was pregnant.  I only found out because I was impatiently waiting for my cycle so that I could start the BC that was supposed to see if the pain I was having was "woman" related.  But when I saw that positive I was, well, I don't even know.  It may be better to let those who saw me immediately after describe that.  I know I was freaking out but I am not sure of the extent of it.

Anyway, I contacted the person trying to see what happened that night.  Since I didn't remember it, any number of things could have happened.  I could have ended up in someone else's car, someone could have followed us, or some random stranger could have broken in... all unlikely buy possible.  I just wanted to know what the heck happened.  I wanted to know what events were going to lead to my ruined life and marriage.

Anyway, the person never responded to me but I did hear back from the spouse and he denied having been responsible.  So, okay... I have to move on, I guess, and deal with whats going on.  I had to just face it and take responsibility for myself and what fault I had in this happening.  And I sure did have a lot to handle.  I considered abortion, but I ultimately decided that I can't go against (I don't believe in abortion) my beliefs just because I was in a crappy situation.  Then I spent months looking at adoption.  I had 3 possibly families and liked them all!  However, after months of agonizing over that decision, I decided that I believed God intended him to be with me, so I was keeping him.  Then it really began.  All while trying to make sure my marriage made it through this.  How could my husband love me after this?  How?

At 32 weeks I had some bleeding.  I went in to L&D and was checked out.  It was determined that I had chronic placenta abruption.  For those who don't know, its when the placenta prematurely begins to separate from the uterus and is very dangerous for baby and mother.  I was in the hospital on strict bed rest for 4 days.  When I was sent home, I was still supposed to be on bed rest, to the best of my ability.  With 3 kids, that isn't easy, but I tried.  I had to go in twice a week for non-stress tests and one of those days fluid was checked by ultra sound.

I went in just like any other Tuesday, only I had asked the week before about the plan for me.  So, when I talked to the midwife that day, she said that the Dr felt like making it to 37 weeks was good enough and to just go ahead and get him out.  Now, I expected induction but I thought like the following week.  Nope, they scheduled it for that Thursday.  Only 2 days notice.

I went in Thursday evening for the induction.  However, the Dr on that night was ridiculous and didn't want to be bothered so she started the induction with such minimal medication that it ensured I would not have a baby that night.  I was irritated.  Though, thankfully I decided to use a Doula and try to go through the labor without an epidural, so I had my husband and Cori there to get me through the irritation!

Then on Friday morning, the midwife that knew the history of my pregnancy came in!  I loved her!  She was a bit irritated when she found out I had been there all night and the Dr did nothing, really.  So, she tripled the pitocin and broke my water to make things get going!  And boy did they!  Before I knew it, my contractions were HORRIBLE!

But, it was so quick.  My water was broke around 9am, he was born just after noon!  And without an epidural.  I wanted one at the end though.  But I settled for just 1 dose of something else just to help get me through!  After a few pushes, we welcomed Jonathen into our family and our hearts!  And even though it was a pretty rough road, I can't imagine life without him!

Jonathen was born on Nov. 16, 2012 weighing 6lbs 3oz and 17 1/2 inches long!

Jorden

Jorden has been an excitement and surprise since day 1!  After coming back to Germany from an extended visit to the states, we decided we wanted another baby.  We weren't going to try right away but wanted to start getting "ready" to try.  So, step one, getting the mirena out.  I had that done and figured we'd just see what happened.

Not even a month later, we found out I was pregnant.  It was MUCH quicker than we had expected and the news was quite a shock, but we were still very happy about it!  Though, it didn't seem to matter how happy I was, this pregnancy seemed to make my anxiety increase more than I could really handle.  It was a tough pregnancy, but not medically, it was tough mentally.

However, I was able to get through it and about the time my third trimester started, I was feeling TONS better!  I was fat and miserable but I just figure that came with the territory of being pregnant!  The rest of the pregnancy was full of contractions, sending me to the hospital a number of times thinking it was labor.  But even though I was contracting regularly, I wasn't dilating at all.  So, weeks of contractions kinda sucked but I got through it with tylenol and keeping busy.

In September, the base here holds a large annual bazaar where local vendors set up and sell their items.  They do this on the flight line, using 2 hangers and a HUGE tent to set up in.  It is always nice to go and sometimes you can find pretty awesome stuff for a decent price!  So, of course I was going, I don't like to miss the bazaar!

Fil was working so we met up with a friend and her family!  We had walked around all of it and decided to stop for something to eat before going back in for the sole purpose of getting our kids bubble guns!  All the kids had been really good and deserved a treat!  So, I ate my YUMMY baked potato and off we went to get the guns!

After walking down to the furthest hanger, I needed to use the bathroom.  I walked just past the hanger to the potty trailer and did my thing.  When I stood up, I still felt like I had to go, so I went again.  Then, as I was walking out, I felt like I peed myself.  But how?  I JUST went like a gallon.  So, I turned to go back to the bathroom and it just kept coming and kept coming.  Then it hit me, DUH.  I ran to find my friend to tell her we had to go.. and we left without the bubble guns :-(

By the time I got Fil and got to the hospital, you could hear my sloshing in my jeans.  I was SOAKED!  So when we got up there, they didn't question a thing and got me right into a bed and ready to go.  Know what was ironic?  I didn't contract, not even once, on my own after my water broke.

So after trying to wait for a few hours for my water to break, we finally agreed to start pitocin to get things going.  And after a few hours of feeling the contractions, I asked for an epidural.  I really do not like the contractions pitocin create, they HURT.

A few hours later, we welcomed Jorden into our hearts and family!

Jorden was born on Sept 16, 2011 weighing 7lbs 2oz and 20 inches long!

Adrien

After about 4 months of trying, we got pregnant with Adrien!  It is scary how excited I was about the positive pregnancy test!  I think Fil and I actually danced around the house, scaring Darien.  It was just really awesome that we were expanding our family and we were very excited!

The pregnancy was basically easy.  My asthma acted up a little bit but it was otherwise uneventful.  The only part that was difficult was being so very pregnant during the summer in San Antonio!  Though, I wasn't nearly as miserable as I was with Darien.  Probably because I gained more weight, but that weight was distributed pretty evenly over my entire body.

I tried castor oil with him too, but it didn't do anything at all.  So, it was really just waiting for him to be ready to come out.  The last 2 weeks or so I was going to my friends house daily because I was so scared of going into labor and being alone and/or not knowing I was in labor.  I even told Fil that I thought I would go into labor on my own, not knowing it, and barely get to the hospital in time.  I thought that because with Darien I was induced.  So, not only did I not really know what a contraction felt like without pitocin, I had the epidural very quickly after starting contractions.

So, the morning that I got to my girlfriends house and had been contracting, I figured it was just the beginning of what would take days.  When I got to her house, I told her about the contractions and that they weren't painful or regular.  As we talked for a while, I was having them.  Still not horrible, but enough that I had to slow down my talking and get into a comfortable position. 

After about 30 minutes, maybe an hour, she told me that she thought I was in labor and wanted to get me to the hospital.  I argued with her, cause there was just no way that was real labor.  It was NOTHING.

She finally talked me into just going in to be checked.  I didn't call anyone, not even Fil, when we went.  I really believed I wouldn't be staying there anyway, why constantly give false hope to anyone.  So, I drive us up there (yes, I drove because I wasn't in real labor, lol).  When they got my hooked up to the monitors, I was contracting every 3-4 minutes.  They were getting slightly more painful but still very bearable.  So when they came in to check me, I was certain I was going to be sent home.

Now, the hospital we were at was a training hospital.  So, the midwife that was training was the first to check me.  She said that I was about 5cm and 75% effaced.  That almost made me fall right off that bed in shock.  Then the resident checked me.  She was guessing something different, and I figured it would be 4cm and send me walking.  NOPE.  She said about 7cm, 90% effaced and needing a room immediately.  WHEW... I almost did fall off the bed.

I got the epidural as soon as I got in a room.  I wish I wouldn't have.  My labor stalled and ended up there for much longer than I should have been.  But after a few hours, and the Dr nearly not catching him as he FLEW right out, I was able to meet him!  And what an amazing boy he was!

Adrien was born on 7 July 2008 weighing 8lbs 2.9oz and 20 3/4 inches long!

Darien

Wow.  It's really weird trying to think back that far.  It's weird to me that almost 7 years ago I was reading the pregnancy test showing a very distinct positive.  What a crazy 7 years it has been!

I didn't want children.  I was perfectly content with letting everyone else have them while I just babysat and gave them back.  I didn't think I would make a very good mother, so it was just better that way.  So, when I found out I was pregnant, the emotions were intense.

I was angry, scared and sad.  But at the same time, I felt a slight bit of excitement.  It took just about the whole pregnancy to really get myself happy about becoming a mother, though I was still so, very scared for this child. 

At 38 weeks I decided to try castor oil to get him out.  I had gained about 40lbs with him, ALL in my belly.  I was HUGE and miserable.  Well, the castor oil started to work and I was contracting quite a bit.  We went into the hospital and they were about to admit me when the contractions just stopped.  So, we went home, but not until after my mom started her long journey from Ocala, FL to San Antonio, TX.

Then, when I was 4 days late I had some spotting.  I went to Labor and Delivery where the Dr seemed to have absolutely NO clue what he was doing.  He said I was fine and sent me home.  At about 3am I got a call from the night Dr who wanted me to go back in.  I was expecting they just look stuff over and send me back, but nope.  When I arrived at about 4am, they were ready to induce me!  FINALLY!!!

I was told to get comfortable and get ready to there a while because inductions aren't quick.  Ha.  They started my meds and everything at about 8am and at 1429 (2:29pm) Darien greeted us!  Because I had an epidural, it was relatively painless until it came time to push.  That SUCKED and it hurt like crazy.  But when they put Darien on my chest and I saw him for the first time, he was well worth every second of it!

Darien was born on Nov. 11, 2006.  8lbs 3oz and 21 inches long! (He's on the right, lol)

My Children!

I decided to start this blog as a way to share my kids with the world, because they are pretty amazing!  The each arrived in our lives with vastly different stories, just as different as their personalities are!  I can't believe how blessed I am to have such wonderful boys, or what I did to deserve any of them! 

For my first blog, I am going to introduce my boys and a brief view of how they came to be our blessings!  Some parts of this may not make much sense, or lack detail to really explain, but I will post more detailed stuff very soon!

Darien- My insanely intelligent but goofy child!  I wasn't someone who expected to ever have a family.  I just didn't think that kids were going to be in the cards for me (mostly by choice).  However, the moment I laid eyes on this amazing little guy, all 8.3lbs of him, I was head over heels in love with him!  And he is the reason I now want  (and have) and big family!

 Adrien- My very WILD but loveable little man!  When Darien was about 6 months old, I decided I wanted another baby and we started trying!  About 4 months later, we found out were were expecting our 2nd baby!  And just like his big brother, I fell in love immediately!

Jorden- My very strong-willed and LOUD baby boy!  We knew we wanted more children but didn't expect how fast it happened!  Then, after walking all the way through a bazaar on the flight line with my water leaking all over, he came out and made my heart grow again! 

Jonathen- the baby that has turned our lives upside down, inside out and made us an entirely different, but stronger, family!  A night that I still have no memory of AND an incredibly difficult pregnancy brought a little miracle that has really just made me look at the world, people and my family (especially my husband) so much differently!  I think God has major plans for this little guy!


My guys are super amazing! I know that God has a plan for all of them, though I kinda think there is something very special in store for little Jonathen!  I just know that with God in our lives, they will all grow up to be amazing men and I look forward to watching every moment of it!